The benefits of a gluten- and casein-free diet.

This way of eating is kind of difficult. I'm hungry a lot, still trying to find the balance of what to eat, how much. It's hard to find something filling except a steak, and I can't afford to have steak with every meal. I'm trying to learn to like vegetables without butter and cheese. I'm learning to get my protein without dairy. Sometimes mayonnaise has wheat starch in it. BaconSalt has wheat flour in it (why?). I don't like soy, for the most part. The "vegan"-labeled rice cheese K bought today turns out to have a dairy product of some kind in it. Labels are important.

It's hard. So let me explain why I do it.

I feel like a different person.

Let me try to emphasize that: I. Feel. Like. A. Different. PERSON.

I can think. I can complete tasks. I don't have migraines every day. I don't worry so much. I can have social interactions with strangers on the street. I have less fear. I have less pain. I can read at length. I can write. My house is clean. My head is clearer. My dogs are cared for. I can play with my child.

I went to a psychiatrist recently. The appointment was made months ago, before the diet change. After we discussed which antidepressant to start me on, I was explaining all the differences, all the improvements. He finally said, "Do you think you need medication?"

I stared. "I don't know," I said.

I have the prescription anyway. I haven't filled it yet. I will, and I'll see if it helps. I do still have the days of crying, of not wanting to eat, of just wanting to go back to bed. We'll see if Celexa helps.

But I can think!

I've never felt like this. For the first time in 26 years, I can think about doing something, and plan it, and then do it. I hung pictures on the wall today. I walked all the dogs, and then I had individual time with them. I worked out a training program to help all three of them get back to basic training, to work on recall, heel, sit, don't run through the front door like a maniac just because it's open. Two hours every morning, first a walk and then 15 minutes training time with each of them. And I'll do it.

And I haven't had a sugar crash in a while, either.

All of that said, I'd kill for some hot chocolate made with cream, right now.