Thursday, February 24, 2011

Guest Post - Captain Space Command

This is something a friend wrote, and since it talks about Elijah I asked if I could repost it here. Amanda is another Asperger's kid, like me, and her perspective on the world can be very interesting.

Please enjoy this post, it's wonderfully written :)

-Mama Coyote


Captain Space-Command
by Amanda Spikol on Wednesday, February 9, 2011 at 10:44pm
Today I went out and about shopping with Melissa and while we were at the mall, I said, "You know that stage you reach when you get over the sheer utter joy of realizing that now you're an adult and you can do whatever you want? Yeah, I never reached that stage." (This was after buying fuzzy blue slipper-boots (on sale, $7!) and as I was about to get a blue raspberry lemonade at the Food Court)

And so my whole apartment was spotless and nice from cleaning today and after Melissa left I changed into sleep clothes to curl up in my chair and work on things with the TV on. I picked out my favorite shirt, a black hockey jersey I got at Goodwill in Swarthmore in autumn 2000, it's so worn that the logo is unrecognizable but I love it. I put on my favorite pajama pants, deep purple with various-color sleepy owls on, and thick soft flannel. Then, I put on my new fuzzy blue slipper-boots.

My feet looked like moon feet in these and I was so happy.

The boots were warm and the bottoms had slipper-sock tread dots. On my way out to the den, I passed by a mirror and got a good look at myself. I looked like Captain Space-Command. Really, literally, I looked like the kind of person that you might see walking down Main Street to the deli, wearing a helmet covered in duct tape and being minded by a handler. I looked like a 5 year-old about to curl up under Smurfs(TM) sheets, and squinch her eyes closed from lights-out until morning, so the snow will come.

I couldn't be happier.

I've no one to impress; my cat has never expressed interest in what I'm wearing. I considered blogging about it maybe, because the words appeared in my head along with the visuals, my narration. Then, I sat down at the Internet, and messed about with email, answered some tweets, and minded Facebook. Ashley posted a picture of Elijah sleeping in a bed, dressed in fuzzy blue pajamas with space things on; Little Captain Space-Command.

Sometimes, I feel so bad about things, and wish I'd of been born these days, when kids like me have folks to bring them up right, understanding how they happen to interface with the world. Sometimes, I look at Elijah and I feel like it's gonna be ok for him, and maybe he can look up at adults in a few years, and realize if that's how far we all got without help, there's nothing he won't be able to do.

He could go to space if he wanted someday.


Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Gluten and Dairy-Free Hot Breakfasts

I'm trying to get Elijah away from cold cereal for breakfast... lunch... dinner... snacks... :) Perhaps it's true for all toddlers, but it's definitely true for those of us with SPD: When we find a food we like the feel and taste of, we stick with it. In an attempt to combat this rigidity of thought in both myself and Elijah, I am trying to make sure we have healthy hot breakfasts with at least a little variety.

This is not as easy as you would think, considering my morning laziness and sensory-driven personal desire to stick with one thing over and over as well.

Here are some of the things we eat for breakfast.

Tomagi Gohan
-cooked rice
-1 raw egg
-toppings: Furikake, adobo, gf soy sauce, gf tamari, BBQ sauce

This is a very simple meal. Place cooked rice in a covered microwave-safe bowl with a sprinkle of water. Heat for 1-2 minutes until rice is steaming hot. Stir in one raw egg very thoroughly, then replace cover. Let sit until egg is cooked. Top with your choice of yumminess.

Microwave-able Gluten-Free Oatmeal
-certified gf oatmeal
-water or milk-replacement of your choice
-toppings: soy or coconut creamer, brown sugar, honey, cinnamon

Regular oatmeal is generally thought to be heavily contaminated with wheat flour, so only certified gluten-free oatmeal is currently considered safe in my household.
Rolled oats microwave just fine as far as we're concerned. Place the desired serving of oats and water per the instructions on the box in a microwaveable bowl, cover, and microwave one minute at a time until you determine how long your microwave takes.
You can also cook oatmeal in a neuro-fuzzy rice cooker and if the machine has a timer, set it up the night before to be ready for morning, but I haven't tried this yet and it's been years since I cooked steel-cut oats in a rice cooker.
Elijah likes his with a lot of honey and cinnamon. I prefer brown sugar and soy or coconut creamer. We may try apples and other fruits soon.

Fried Eggs
-eggs (2-3 per person, in my house)
-bacon grease
-sides: bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms, black beans

Bacon grease is my usual butter-replacement for frying foods. I like my eggs over-easy; Elijah can't stand that texture and prefers his broken and well-done. Mushrooms raw or sauteed in bacon grease are a wonderful accompaniment to fried eggs.

Scrambled Eggs
-eggs (1-4 per person, depending on the day and the phase of the moon and the alignment of the stars...)
-rice milk (optional)
-bacon grease
-salt or adobo (Elijah prefers adobo with cumin)
-accompaniments: tortilla chips, salsa

Everyone in the house has a different way of making scrambled eggs. I scramble mine in a bowl with a little rice milk and some salt and then pour them into the hot bacon grease in the pan. Daddy C scrambles them straight in the pan. I cook them a little soft, he usually browns them a little.

A common plating in our house is: A handful of tortilla chips on the plate, top with eggs and salsa. Very tasty!

Apples & Peanutbutter
-toppings: cinnamon, honey

Slice apples, spread with peanutbutter. Simple :) I know cinnamon sounds like a strange topping for this, but someone recommended it once, and I found that it gave the peanutbutter just that much more depth.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Of having one foot in the house and one foot out

I've been told to introduce myself before I post. I'm E.'s "Auntie Bug". I'm not really a mother to him, but I'm not sure I'm indulgent or patient enough to be the "cool aunt" yet. He's probably a little young to need a cool aunt, still, anyway. I'm not diagnosed yet, but I may or may not be high-functioning. I don't officially live here, except on weekends. But, I guess I'm just as much family as everybody here.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Cat penguins.

Elijah just called a tuxedo cat "cat penguin".

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Some quotes.

Daddy B: Dramaticism: It's like narcissism, but for theatre majors!


Elijah: Mama swing! [squeals] HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!


Elijah: 1, 3, 4, 5, Z!!!


Elijah: I need a magic wand, please.

Monday, February 14, 2011


I hate what I write, but I've promised myself that I'll post this once I'm done. We'll see how this goes.

It's Valentine's day (I've never really liked this holiday anyway) and it's about love. I've refrained from posting about what happened, but what better day, really, to post about one for whom love was everything? So here goes.

What happened was awful. I've gone through a range of emotions practically every day. Some days, I feel like I shouldn't even be this hurt. I didn't know him nearly as well or as long as anyone here. I think that's what hurts the most. There was so much more time I wanted with him, so many more things I wanted to talk about, to tell him. I miss him.

What happened with his ex... I didn't lie. I pity her. I scorn her and judge her, but I pity her. My loyalty is everything to me, and she disgraced the name of someone I love. She lied in memory of one who had pain in his eyes anytime he couldn't tell someone something, anything, because of orders. She stood up there and talked about his love for everyone, while helping keep the people he loved hidden. The entire weekend was living hypocrisy. That's what I hate most.

I probably haven't dealt very well with it all. I'm not at the house right now, for more reasons that just this, but I've pulled away. It's what I do best; I've done it before and I'll probably do it again. I'm pretty self-sufficient and when something goes wrong I go back to just me. I still talk to people, still see them at game, which is a step in the right direction I guess. It's hard not to see it as our room anymore, Jes has it now. I hope he takes care of it.

It's hard to see the family anymore without him there. He took care of all of us, forgetting his own worries to carry ours. In his absence, we all have to do our part to take his place. I know I'm doing awfully at it right now, I hope I can find the strength to.

He taught me more than I can possibly admit. He taught me that you CAN truly love more than one person at a time. I get that now. I wish I had understood it sooner. He taught me patience and persistence, with even the most knuckleheaded. Seriously. It was impossible to be around him and not learn that. He taught me what it was to really let go, to trust someone completely. That part of me will always be his. I don't think anyone else will be able to get that close.

I don't really know what else to say. He told me he wanted me to be happy, with or without him. I'll visit him every time I drive through, and maybe sometimes even when I'm not. But I'll try to do what he wanted.

And I know he didn't just want that for me.


Barometer of days.

E is lining his trains up side by side, rather than like a train. That usually means a particularly strong rigid-thinking day, where extra patience is needed.

The temperature is supposed to rise 30 degrees in the next few hours. My joints are already starting to hurt.

I don't like to talk about household-related fears here, but fears are there. I will get through them by focusing on E.

Good morning, world. I declare: Today will be a fun day.

Mama Coyote

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Love and Fear

I'm afraid right now. It seems like everything is falling apart around my ears. I love my family so much and so many things are hard right now... There is so much in the way of negative feelings. I feel like we should be mourning, as well as celebrating, Ap together. Instead, it feels like there is hand biting and anger. And it gets directed at the nearest targets. Unfortunately, we are each the nearest target. And it hurts so much.

Please... hear my pleas -- I cannot deal with any more disruption in the family. Let us love together...

"You can't take the sky from me..."

Gaining Weight

I felt kind of stupid just now when I typed "gain 8 pounds" into my Goals at DailyStrength. Eight pounds doesn't sound like much, but that's nearly 10% of my bodyweight.

And food just seems so disgusting lately, and that is not okay. Food is practically my religion... not wanting to partake makes me very, very sad! :p

Ah, well. Solutions will be found.

Mama Coyote


I like being awake at 6am, when no one else is awake and I can stare at my computer for a while. I have goals this month, and they involve writing more and decluttering more and loving more. If I woke up at 6am every day, I could potentially write a blog post, a Squidoo article, and relax with some tea.

In theory, I should be able to find that time during the day anyway. It's just a matter of letting myself not get overwhelmed by everything else in my world.

ChildFind is coming here on the 16th, to see how E is doing. I still want to install the therapy swing in his room. With the funeral and Jes and Emo moving in and most of us being pretty much out of it, I completely forgot half the things ChildFind wanted me to implement. But E's communication has improved anyway. And he's moved from a high chair to a booster seat!

I'm trying to figure out how to use one sensory issue against another: E uses his hands to put food on spoons or forks, and food ends up everywhere. Then he holds up his hands and says, "Wash hands."

He's having trouble with utensils, but doesn't want his hands to be messy. There's got to be a way to reconcile these two things ;)

The sun is coming up, and a freight train is rumbling by, shaking the house and whistling its good-morning. I'm going to move on to other morning tasks, and try to make this a good day.

Train out there... train on tracks!

Mama Coyote

Friday, February 11, 2011

January = not cool

I know it's been a while since I posted. January sucked. I find myself missing Ap all the time. It's hard as hell. Fridays suck extra hard -- this is the time that I would be going down to get him. I spent Thursday nights on the couch so I could get up in the morning (I'm a serious night person) and drive the three hours (or more) to get him. And then, on the way back, he and I would joke and laugh. We'd talk over character concepts. He'd bitch about the week he had at work. I'd listen to him talk about history, conspiracy theories, sci-fi books (I knew the plot of the first two or three Ender books before I cracked Ender's Game), poly stuff, and God knows whatever other subjects.

Combine that with... other issues... It'll be tough.

E makes it easier, though... But I miss him saying "AP!" while pretending to take people's noses. When the "Got your nose" concept comes up, it'll be extra hard.

It'll get better. It's gotta. E remains the light of my life. And he's gotta get into college! If I sink into a realm of depression, he can't get into college.

Daddy C

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Elijah and Dragons

So, last night, I got home around 9pm after driving from Charlotte, NC to home. The drive was long but my car made it. This morning, I bring in some of my things. Pillows... Blanket... and my Crimson Chinese Dragon statue. I was showing the statue to Coyote when Elijah comes over and begins saying, "Real Dragon... A real dragon." He touched it and stared at it for a little while. When I took it back and began to take it downstairs, he waved and said, "Bye Dragon." It was one of the cutest things I have seen from him so far.

Elijah is getting better about enunciating words and speaks clearly. He is grown a bit in the week that I havent been here. Uncle Emo is here and has been a big help with the house and the family. Things are moving quick and hectic for this coming weeks. Hopefully, we can all stay slightly sane.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Family is always there

So I'm grieving the loss of Ap terribly. I've known him for 12 or 13 years, I helped him with his school work, I helped him eat, I gave him sanctuary when his parents were insane, and I love him very deeply. I keep remembering all the firsts he had with me. I was the first girl he really kissed and that makes me happy. There are times that I get so deep into the mourning that everything seems dark and bleak. Like I don't deserve to be happy or deserve to be loved, because he can't anymore. Then I start to pull into myself, isolating away from the people who love me. I struggle on a day to day basis to get out of bed and put my next best foot forward. The one thing I need to remind myself of is family is always there. When I hurt they are there to hold me, when I'm angry they are there to calm my flame, and when I'm lonely they give me the love I need to help me get through it. I've been struggling a lot recently, after my mom told me my lifestyle was sick, I've found it really hard to not think that myself. Then I take moments and realize I'm happy here. I'm happy in my home with my family. The most important person in my life right now is E, and the family as a whole is the most important thing in my life. So why do I have such a hard time accepting the love and the happiness. I have to wonder about my life, and think about what events lead up to the fear that rules my life. I do not accept the fear anymore. I want to move past this, I want to be happy and act happy. That is my goal. I will always love you Ap, you meant the world to me, your presence will never be forgotten. I will tell stories of you to E and talk to him about explosives just for you.

Mama K

Thursday, February 3, 2011

A moment.

Elijah, in his brand new dinosaur footie pajamas, just threw himself into my arms, said, "Boo nigh!" (Good night!), gave me a kiss, and then climbed up on the couch, wrapped himself up in his Daddy's blanket, and pretended to snore.

Past weeks

These past two weeks have been hard on the family. We all went through the traumatic blow of a death of a family member. It has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. E behaved most of the time I was there except when he was uber tired. We had a lot of comfort from our friends and family. Only time can heal these wounds, but in my heart, I know he is still around watching over the family he loved so much.


Hello everyone. Im Jes. Im a new addition to the house and help take care of E while I am there. Thought I would go ahead and make my first post.