Poly Life & Death

How do we deal with the death of one of us?

Uncle Ap died on Daddy B's birthday.

Ap's family, who hated his choice in lifestyle and his choice in family, kept Mama K and Daddy C away from the funeral. Ap's ex-fiance was there, claiming to still be his fiance. In M's face.

My family is hurting.

A packmate is gone.

I howl for him tonight.

I love you, Ap. We love you. We'll see you when you get back.

Mama Coyote

My new heavy work activity/game: Stepping Stones

Equipment:
-two stools, preferably of varying height (three if two people are playing)

Stand on one stool. Pick up the other stool. Set the stool down in the direction you want to go. Cross to the stool you just sat down. Pick up the other stool and move it in the direction you want to go. And so on and on and on :)

Rules:
You cannot touch the floor.
You can touch walls.
Stools can go on carpet, but not tile.
Shoes can go on tile, but not carpet.
Furniture is a walkway.
The game begins whenever you want it to.
The game ends whenever you want it to.

A love note.

To my family in Portland, Seattle, and back at home:

I love you all.

Thank you.

Mama Coyote

Mama Flying!

^^ How we explained that Mama was going away for a few days.

Today, he decided that a small blue elephant is officially "Lumpy" from a Pooh Bear movie. His Roo toy and "Lumpy" played in the car all the way too and from the airport, even re-enacting scenes from the movie. I love that he has the imagination to do that. It's good.

He has also taken a liking to my Tiger. I'll get it back in a week or so once he's forgotten it exists ;)

I love it when he climbs into his chair all by himself because he's hungry. Not quite as awesome as him asking for food, but better than him just running into the kitchen and trying to open cabinets or messing with things on the counter.

Still working on getting him to not put things in the dog's water. He tried to put "Lumpy" in there. Trying to get him to ask to play in water, and giving him a separate bowl to play in. Gonna take time, so we'll see how it goes.

He dumped all of his trains behind the couch today. Ugh. Got them all out, but I'm so short!

And apparently he likes Gummi Bears, but then again, who doesn't?

I'll attempt to post tomorrow, when hopefully I won't have a migraine.

~M

A quote.

"I love Sign Time," said Elijah last night.

When his hands are dirty and he wants them clean, he sings, "Look at my hands, look at my hands, they're dirty." Which is a major improvement from screaming and flailing :)

Last-minute trips

The Trazodone is doing its job better today. No major pain, and a very productive day.

I'm leaving for Portland, OR tomorrow and don't know when I'll be able to post again. Hopefully the family will pick up the slack for me :)

Mama Coyote

A pain day, but still productive.

Celexa to stop the depression, Trazodone to help me sleep, caffeine and nicotine and acetominophen and aspirin to kick the headache caused by the Trazodone. Something is wrong with this picture :p

Hopefully the Trazodone's side effects will wear off in a few days.

Meanwhile, Maddy, Pooh's Heffalump Movie, the psychotic fuzzy white dog, Ancient Egyptian meditation music, and Flylady (7 days of FLYing, after five years of fluttering. yay!) kept me sane today, until the pain meds or the cold air or the nicotine or whatever it was finally kicked in, and now I have a ridiculous number of pounds of "metallic sand" so I can make weighted blankets for myself and the boy, and this post is getting just so rambly now, isn't it?

It was a very productive day, despite the pain. I got through a lot of email, Elijah had lots of play time and conversation time (sort of), and has been very interactive and playful today. No true meltdowns, thankfully. Maddy shrink-wrapped some of the windows, and I did a lot of reading on Sensory Processing Disorder.

And now, it is time to relax. For real, instead of just pretending to relax but instead trying desperately to find out how to help Elijah and myself with our sensory issues.

Goodnight, kitten, goodnight mush, goodnight Internet, goodnight old lady who whispers, "Hush."

Mama Coyote

Opinions of Family

I've been spending most of the day thinking about family and our lovely little boy. A lot about Child Find and the work we have done with E. Most of the time it is a struggle every day to get him to pronounce new words and to express his wants and needs. Having been around other two year olds before I notice the developmental delays that he has. Every day I worry that he will regress back like he has done before, and every day I worry about what sort of help he will need. I watch him play and notice little things that he can't do that other two year olds I have known can do. He works harder to do smaller things, and he still hasn't learned to jump yet.

I watch him go through his fits, the ones where he is freaking out so bad that he hurts himself. I see him stem at times, causing worry and fear on my behalf. Will he be able to have friends and socialize like most NT (neuro typical) children, or will he be considered the weird kid. These fears plague me every day, and most days I can work through them. However, today is a day where I am having trouble actually.

With the Child Find thing happening my fears have been rampaging my thoughts all day. I fear. I fear all the things that any parent would fear when having a child, but often I worry about his development with other children. Having multiple autistic people and sensory integration disorder with multiple adults, I wonder if the Child Find people thought they were learned behaviors much like I have learned behaviors.

Many doctors have often thought I have border line personality disorder because of the way I act and my social blending behavior. However, the current theory of my new doctor is that these are learned behaviors, things that I picked up from having a border line mother. So, what if E's behaviors are learned, but then again what if they aren't? Will he ever learn social cue's that are so easy for me or will he struggle like Ap and A? These are my fears, these are my worries. However, just for today I will let go and let God, for in all truth the Big Guy upstairs is the only one who has all the answers, I'm the one with the questions.

ChildFind & other things.

"If you heard a raven say such horrible things as the ones you may have heard in your day today... would it make you choose your own more carefully around the ones you love?" - Ravens in the Library, SJ Tucker

These words have been stuck in my head for two days now. Usually when words, songs, negative thoughts, etc are racing and repeating in my head, it's because I've had dairy. I can't imagine how that would have happened in the last few days--I've been especially careful--and so I am choosing to hear these words as a message.

---

The Childfind appointment was extremely interesting. The woman who played with Elijah and talked to us was very engaging, very nice, very patient. She and I talked a lot about Sensory Processing Disorder/Sensory Integration Dysfunction, and how it affects Elijah and how it affects everyone else in the household. She was interested in us, and did not dismiss the idea of gfcf. She gave us a list of heavy work activities, and leads on some other resources and some book names. She's sending me some information and a couple of chapters of a book to help with our work with Elijah. I liked her a lot.

On the evaluation front, it looks like they're not especially worried, and may only check up on him again in a few months. They may tag him with Sensory Processing Disorder, which doesn't make him eligible for any services. If we hadn't been doing any work, if we hadn't gone gluten and casein free, I'm pretty sure he would have retreated further than he already had (loss of language, loss of most forms of interaction), and they would have taken one look at him and given all the help necessary.

There are two ways to look at this:
1. Helping Elijah ourselves at home means he won't get the help he needs outside of home.
2. Doing all the work we've done means he won't NEED the extra help outside.

I can make the argument that this is a child who has come back from a loss of language, through so much work from his family. We need help to continue that work. Please, don't dismiss the problems because of the progress and help us. Please. Don't penalize Elijah because we've done so much work with him. Don't penalize us because we've put our hearts and lives and sleep aside so we can take do this work for our child.

Will I remember that next Tuesday?

I have to.

Good morning, world. Today will be a good day.

Mama Coyote

Spinning and Sensory Integration

So, you want to know what's funny? Seeing the toddler try to walk in a straight line after spinning on a chair. And he kept asking for more. :D

Well, we went to the ChildFind appt today. I think the best part of the appointment was when the observer realized how many people in the household seem to have some sort of sensory integration issues. I wonder how many college papers people could write on the dynamics and specifics of this household.

Good Morning.

Time to get ready to go to the ChildFind appointment. I have two dogs and a cat vying for my attention, and no desire to get out of bed ;)

Babysteps... first, warm pajama pants... and then... tea!

Mama Coyote

Just for Today

Just for Today

This conference-approved literature in bookmark form provides meditations and a prayer to help us stay focused on what we can do, “Just For Today.”

JUST FOR TODAY I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

JUST FOR TODAY I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

JUST FOR TODAY I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will lean something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

JUST FOR TODAY I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

JUST FOR TODAY I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won't find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

JUST FOR TODAY I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.
JUST FOR TODAY I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

---

I need a meeting. But then, I always need a meeting.

Fortunately, my home meeting is tonight :)

Just for today...

Mama Coyote

Nap time still needs baby gate

Today E went down for his nap, around 3:30 like his usual time is. However, instead of putting up the baby gate the door was shut. Trying to encourage him to stay in his room even when it is nap time. E comes running out of the room, stops dead in his tracks when he sees us, and then goes running back to his room. Most days it is hard not to laugh because he is just so cute, but I know the laughing encourages the behavior we are trying to break.

Today is a spinning day

We have an awesome comfy chair that spins. E climbed up in it earlier and B started spinning him around. E got off and couldn't even stand straight, but jumped right back up in the chair, saying "again!" So around and around he went, getting off every now and again to see if he could still walk. Then it was Mama's turn, and he spun with her a bit. Made me dizzy just watching it.

We got out bubbles a bit ago. Hearing him say "Bubbles for Maddy!" was kinda awesome, in that awesome kind of way.

GFCF Recipe: Coyote's Egg Salad

This is something I eat as a snack sometimes. I can't give any real proportions--it's all to taste. It's good on gluten-free crackers or your favorite GFCF bread :)

Coyote's Egg Salad

3 boiled eggs
fresh cilantro
lime juice
cayenne pepper, ground
mayonnaise - preferably a vinegar-y one

Mix up, in that order. Eat it right away, or let it sit. It tastes better as it sits.

There you go :)

Mama Coyote